Sexuality Identity

When it comes to identifying your sexuality in today's world there are many categories you can pick from.  In addition to heteral sexual there is the LBGTQ community.  LBGTQ stands for Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Transgender, Queer/ Questioning. 

An anonymous person wanted to share their journey of identifying their sexuality and and surviving their abusive relationship.

How would you classify your sexuality?

I classify myself as bi-sexual because yes I like women but I see myself settling down with a husband and having children.

When did you notice your sexuality was different?

I notice my sexuality was different when I went off to college. I felt like I was experimenting more than anything. I went to an all girl school so people  already assumed. 

Is your family aware? If so how did you tell them and how did they react?

My mother is very much so aware about my sexuality. My mom use to always ask me questions like are you gay or bi sexual and I use to always make jokes telling her I was try because I'll try anything just to get under her skin. My mother found out about my sexuality through a "friend" and she was so upset with me because she would of rather me tell her verse someone else. My mom would throw little shots about my sexuality here and there but I don't think she did it intentionally. I feel her shots were more out of anger.  I was in between having to be disrespectful or stop talking to her all together. I sat down and told her the way she was acting towards me was very hurtful because how people in this world already treat people in the LGBT community. 

Has your sexuality interfered with friendships?

Most of my friends have been more than friends were are always concerned with my well-being or if I'm happy. I did have a friend I considered my best friend that would brush off anything I told her about my relationship. It was a time where I broke down to her because I couldn't take the relationship I was in anymore. Her response was like I don't want to talk about that s**t. I was kinda hurt because as my best friend I expect you to accept me flaws and all. 

How has living in your truth changed your life?

I am beyond happy with who I am. I feel like I no longer have to hide who I am or who I date anymore. I no longer care about others opinions because no one is perfect. I would rather be with someone that makes me happy than to care about how others around me feel. 

What are some of the events that happened in your abusive relationship?

The very first time I was accused of doing something I never did, since she felt I was lying...she smacked me like I was a bitch on the streets.I felt myself ready to fight back but when I looked up at her all I could do is cry! The abuse was that I received was anger she have after talking to her family. She was the type of person that believed hurt people hurt people. If I said something that offended her that meant she was coming back 10 times hard whether that meant me getting slapped, choked, my hair pulled, her talk about how I was nothing, or would be nothing with out her, how she made me, how I would be like my ghetto a#* family, or how my father don't have a high school diploma. Over the years I could never hit her back or hit below the belt no matter how much hurt I felt. In the last few months I was beyond tired I felt like I was pass my breaking point and I done cried all I could cry. I started fighting back even though I didn't want to...the last fight I fought back now I was fight her like my  family would of wanted me to. 

What type of abuse did you experience?

The type of abuse was more verbal than physical when it first started then it became more physical. 

Are you still traumatized ?

I feel like I am but I try not to think about the situation because I still get a little emotional.  How has this situation affected you and your love life?

This situation affects me in so many ways because growing up I saw abusive relationships in my family, I just never thought I would be in one myself. I felt so weak to the point where I thought getting out was not an option. Being that I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am sometimes afraid to let a person in because I fear I will be in another relationship like my previous one. 

How long were you in an abusive relationship? What made you stay so long? Were you scared?

I was in the relationship for about 4.5 years and the abuse started in our second year of being together. It lasted til January 2017. I stayed so long because I didn't want to hurt her even if that meant I wouldn't be happy. I wasn't scared of her but I was more scared of what I would do because I was pass my limit. 

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