Motherhood Has Taught Me Patience
1. What’s your definition of Motherhood?
I'm not sure that I can define motherhood because it encompasses so much. I can say motherhood is a privilege, an honor. From the moment you find out you are expecting you work to make sure your family is taken care of. You selflessly meet the needs of your child or children. In return you receive the greatest blessing ever. A happy family.
2. What was your reaction when you found out you were expecting?
I actually found out I was expecting a week after my now husband proposed. This may sound selfish but the first thing I thought about was the fact that I was currently planning a wedding. I was surprised and nervous. Once I got past that I was excited. With my second, I had similar feelings. I was nervous because my son was only six months but those feelings turned into excitement.
3. How did you tell your parents?
When I found out I immediately face timed my mom. She's my best friend and I didn't know how to feel so I immediately facetimed her. Although I was getting ready to graduate with my masters in a couple weeks and I was engaged I was still very nervous. She had to reassure me that she wasn't disappointed or upset but in fact excited. With the second baby, I was nervous again because my son was only 6 months when I found out. I found a promoted to big brother shirt and put it on him. While visiting my parents I told them to read his shirt and they looked at me confused. They eventually realized I was pregnant again and I think it was mix of feelings. Although my parents were excited they were concerned about me having two babies so close.
4. How’d you deal with your morning sickness?
Crackers and ginger ale saved my life with my first pregnancy. I drank so much ginger ale that after I had him I refused to ever drink it again. I still refuse to drink ginger ale. With my second I honestly just endured it. I made sure that I never got too hungry because that made it worse and drank carbonated beverages and drank a lot of water. My morning sickness was a lot worse with my daughter. Not only was I more nauseous but I also had to get myself together to care for my son.
5. What are the pro and cons of motherhood?
Motherhood is honestly the most amazing thing. The pros are endless. I thank God for allowing me to bring life into this world not once but twice. I don't believe there's any cons to motherhood. I will say that your life changes after you have children. It's not a con it's just different. Before then I could "run" to the store and it wouldn't take very long now that same trip can take anywhere from an hour to 2 hours. I seriously spent almost an hour at the post office the other day.
I also find that many places aren't baby friendly. They don't have areas to nurse or entries aren't big enough for a double stroller. I've found ways around this but like I said it's not a con it's just different.
6. Do you miss your belly?
I did after my first pregnancy. After this pregnancy I just miss feeling her move in my tummy. It's such an amazing feeling. I miss feeling her kick and squirm.
7. Was your pregnancy planned?
8. What were your cravings during your pregnancy?
With my son I craved spicy foods. I would go to the mall and get these nachos with jalapeños all over them and they were just amazing. I also craved soup and salad. With my daughter I ate a lot of sweets and couldn't handle spicy food.
9. How was the name picking process?
My husband and I went to lunch and we were just throwing out names we liked until we agreed on one.
10. Did you turn into a Momzilla planning for the baby shower? How was the babyshower? What was your theme?
Not at all. I completely let my mom take over. I was stressed with work. I let her completely take over. The shower was amazing. It was so beautiful and I had a really great turn out. It was an airplane theme because my husband is a pilot. I never had a baby shower for my daughter unfortunately.
11. How do you balancing your career/school, the married life plus motherhood?
Honestly, I don't think I'm balancing it well. I know I fall short. Some days my career gets my all and my family suffers. Other days my family gets my all and my career suffers. I'm honestly trying my very best and I have so many great people around me that help. My parents are a huge help along with my sister in law. My husband is also very amazing. I've honestly learned to accept help from others. I'm a teacher so I've learned to leave school work at school. The papers will get graded and those lesson plans will eventually get done. This is time with my family that I won't get back.
12. With so much police brutality going on how does it make you feel as a mother?
It honestly scares me. My husband and I sometimes sit and think about what our children will be like when they get older and we're forced to think about how can we prevent them from be a victim of police brutality. It also scares me that no matter how well I do as a parents, no matter what I teach him or how many awards he receives my children are still black and because of that they're automatically targets.
13. What was it like hearing your child’s heartbeat for the very first time?
It was amazing. I kept staring at my stomach because up until then I thought maybe the test were wrong. That it was a mistake there was no way I was creating a life in there. Once I heard the heartbeat it all became real. I think that's when it really hits you that you're pregnant.
14. How was the day you gave birth? Did you go natural, C section or get an epidural?
With my son, it was tough! I did had a vaginal delivery but was given pitocin which resulted in me requesting an epidural because the pain was unreal. It was a long process and I just remember being so hungry and being told I could not eat. Once the epidural kicked in I was able to sleep because I couldn't feel anything from the waist down. I literally could not move my legs. When it came time to push I struggled so much because I had no feeling. I ended up pushing for 2 hours. I did not like that feeling at all. I vowed to not get an epidural the second time.
When I found I was pregnant with my daughter I started to go the typical route. I went to a traditional obgyn and was going to repeat the same process as with my son. My obgyn office was horrible. They were very condescending and would make rude comments about the timing of my pregnancies. My husband and I decided we would go with a different practice. In that process I discovered a birth center and completed my care with them. It was an amazing experience! I am so glad I made that choice.
Birth centers are very big on giving the mother autonomy during delivery. I was able to stick to my birth plan as much as possible and it was great. I started to go into labor around 12am. I wanted to make sure I was really in labor so I took a shower and laid down. At about 1:30am we realized it was possibly the real deal. My mom drove me to the birth center which was essentially a house that had two medical grade tubs and all the medical equipment necessary for child birth. They do not give epidurals and are not allowed to use pitocin to induce labor. I got to the medical center around 1:50 and gave birth to my baby girl at 4:57am. It was a great experience because I was allowed to labor however I wanted. I labored in the tub, shower and on the bed. If I needed to move around I wasn't bound to my bed. I didn't have an IV and was hooked up to anything. Since I was the only mother giving birth I had the whole house to myself. The midwives gave me all of their attention. I wasn't competing with a floor of mother's in labor. Everyone in that house was working to get Nayeli in this world safely.
15. What has motherhood taught you?
Motherhood has taught me patience. Having to wait 9 months to meet these bundle of joys will teach you how to be patient.
16. Do you wish you would’ve waited?
At first yes, now I think the time was perfect. I don't believe there's a perfect time to have a baby. No matter how much you try to prepare you will still have good and bad days.
19. What are some of the lesson you've learned while being a wife?
Marriage is interesting. I have learned about so much about myself by being married. I think the first thing I learned was that I was no longer one individual and that's my actions affected my family as a whole. That I had to sacrifice for my family. I've learned how to communicate better and express my feelings and concerns without having an attitude or giving the "cold shoulder". Those things worked when we were dating but when you are planning to spend forever with someone you have to be able to sit down and discuss how you feel. Explain why you feel that way and be ready to get a response that you may not like some days. Marriage has taught me patience as well because just because we talk about something doesn't mean we'll remember. We might have the same conversation several times before things improve. It's all worth it though.
20. When he popped the big question, we're you expecting it? Where was it held? Where all of your family and friends there?
I was not expecting it at all. He was acting weird and wouldn't tell me where we're going. He just said dress nice. When we got to where we were going I asked if we're going flying because we were at the airport we go to when he wants to take me flying. He says yes. We get ready to go flying and I'm sitting there wishing I hadn't worn heels. I was still excited because I love when he takes me flying. We finally get ready to go up and he tries to teach me how to take off. I was so nervous so he just took over. When got up there it was great. Finally he tells me something didn't feel right with the plane. I got so nervous. He tells me that he thinks the person who flew the plane didn't check everything. He told me to grab a checklist from behind his seat. When I reached back there it was a box with a ring. He tried his best to look at me while flying and asked me to marry him. No one was there but us.
21. When you both met did you know he was the one if so how did you know?
I didn't. I never really had much luck with love. All I knew was that I really liked him. After we met we ended up spending a lot of time together. That part was different. I always wanted to be around him.
22. How was the wedding? How we're you feeling?
We have yet to actually have a "wedding". My husband's father is a pastor so his father married us. It was only our parents there. We're looking to plan a ceremony but it just hasn't been a priority.
23. What advice can you give a lady who wants to be married and can't seem to find the one?
Honestly I don't have any advice all I can say is I met my husband when I least expected it. I would say date and focus on bettering yourself and the right one will come along. I know that's tough to hear but I don't believe there's any special tips.
24. Where were you when your water broke? Explain what happened next.
So it's actually not very common for your water breaking to be the first sign of labor. I had to have my water broken with both deliveries.
25. How was your birth center experience? Which did you enjoy more the hospital or birthing center and why?
My birth center experience was amazing. We're not planning on anymore at the moment but if I had to do it again I definitely with out a doubt would choose a birth center or I would deliver at home with the help of a midwife.
I say this because I enjoyed how supportive and involved the birth center was. At my appointments I wasn't rushed and I never felt judged for having my babies so close.
They were completely encouraging when it came to breastfeeding and through out my pregnancy and delivery they made sure that they respected me and my wishes. My delivery although painful was much better than my hospital delivery. I was even able to go home the same day.