Learning How To See The World Through Someone Else's Eyes
1. What’s your definition of Motherhood?
Motherhood is learning to see the world through someone else’s eyes and bringing wanting the ginuwine and kindest aspects of yourself to be instilled in him or her. There will be a lot of sleepless nights, tears, tantrums; as well as joyful moments that will give life a new meaning.
2. What was your reaction when you found out you were expecting?
I was nervous because I felt as though my life was just beginning. I was in the process of figuring out who I was as an individual and because I was in the process of unknown, I was became depressed at the thought of my life becoming limited and what others may think of me.
3. How did you tell your parents?
I remember that I was extremely sick to the point where the smell of food was making me sick and I couldn’t stay in class without getting sick or falling asleep. So, one of my Bennett sisters told me that I needed to talk to Ms. Pridgen because she was concerned that I would be kicked out of class because of how bad it was getting. When I met with Ms. P. she asked me to take a pregnancy test. I did not even think about taking one, but after she said those words, I knew I had to be. I took the test and it was indeed positive and I broke down. I remember running to Ms. P. office and she kept telling me, “you have to tell your parents ladybug” and I kept coming up with every excuse on why I shouldn’t tell them. Unfortunately, excuses never phase Ms. P and she called them and place my ear on the phone. “I'm pregnant” was the only words I could say and my mom replied and said that she had already knew. My dad on the other hand, broke down and I just knew our relationship was over.
4. How’d you deal with your morning sickness?
Morning sickness felt like morning, evening, and night sickness because I was sick all throughout the day and it lasted my whole pregnancy. The smell and taste of various things just made very sick so to make up for the fluid that I lost, I tried to consume a lot of fluid. My sickness had gotten me to the point where I was at the hospital fluently, so that they could but more fluids in my body.
5. What are the pro and cons of motherhood?
I have always been the type of person who wants to have it organized “my way” and with motherhood you are always on your toes.
6. Do you miss your belly?
I miss not being able to enjoy it. Unlike some, being pregnant was not something to celebrate for me; instead, I was more ashamed because of the way people were responding to it. So instead of going out in style or taking baby bump pictures, I stayed inside to hide from everyone. I wish I could do it all over.
7. Was your pregnancy planned?
No, not at all.
8. What were your cravings during your pregnancy?
Pickles, hot fries, Chinese Rice, hot sausages, pickle chips, apple sauce on pizza (this is till my favorite).
9. How was the name picking process?
The name picking process was hard because I kept telling myself I was having a girl even when they told me I was having a boy, I was in denial. So, I had a long list of girl names, but my mom had to give me a reality check. One thing about picking out a baby name, everybody wants to put their opinion on what it should be and why it should be a certain thing; forgetting the fact that this is my child and not theirs. My first thought was Mason. I have always been obsessed with that name, but then my mom gave me so many reasons why the name Mason is terrible; so, his dad found the name Jaylin and since I wanted something biblical to be included we named him Jaylin Josiah.
10. Did you turn into a Momzilla planning for the baby shower? How was the baby shower? What was your theme?
In my head, I didn’t because all I had to do was pick out what I wanted and make an inventory list and give it to my parents. The difficult part was finding the perfect centerpieces that were my definition of cute. Okay, I change my mind. I was momzilla. The theme turned to be Jaylin’s Jungle and the centerpieces were a roll of diapers decorated to matched the theme and they had to be done very neatly and only a week before that baby shower so that no one could messed them up on my watch.
12. How do you balancing your career/school plus motherhood?
If it was not for the support of my family, I do not know how I would survive. They usually help me babysit or help me finically if necessary. Other than that, I have the KeKlub that includes my sister Ke’Arra Nunnery and Keirra Sedgewick that provides our daily sister chat to keep each other encouraged. Lastly, I have my best friend/ boyfriend that pushes me to be a better me every day. If he sees that I am lacking in one area, he will send encouraging statements or memos to remind me who I am doing this for.
13. With so much police brutality going on how does it make you feel as a mother?
I am very over protective of my son as is, but it scares me to know that I cannot protect him from everything even if he has done nothing wrong, but I am learning that I cannot allow fear of the unknown to overshadow him. So, I keep myself informed of every incident that happens within our society and I am prepared to talk to him about how the being a strong, black man grooms fear in some individuals whose mind is filled with hatred; but I refuse for him to let the ignorance of others to deter him away for what God has in planned for him.
14. What was it like hearing your child’s heartbeat for the very first time?
I cried. I couldn’t believe that I was bringing a life into this world and then I cried because I didn’t know how the heck I was going to raise a boy.
15. How was the day you gave birth? Did you go natural, C section or get an epidural?
My mucous plug had fell out and a minute later my water broke. I told my mom it was time and she was instructing me on how to stay calm throughout my contractions. When she told my dad he literally said he was coming. Ten minutes had passed and my mom was yelling for him to come down stairs because I was in labor. He didn’t come. My mom went upstairs and found out he was taking a shower. Like, you’re really going to take a shower when I am trying to get to the hospital, really? All I could think to do was breath. Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. Okay, now he is ready to leave a whole 30 minutes later. I told my mom to call Jaylin’s dad and tell him that we are on our way to the hospital and his reply was “Kee’Aera you always playing, it’s too late for this.” Right then and there breathing in and out went out the window. When we got to the hospital, I was slowly dilating and before it was time to push, I wanted the drugs. I started pushing and he wasn’t coming out. The doctor tried to suction him then suddenly he said “we have to stop, we have to have an emergency C-section”. I was freaking out. Literally freaking out! After that, all I could remember was singing myself to sleep and someone woke me up and said, “he is here”, but I was to drugged up to hold him. The next day, I held him in my arms for the first time.
16. What has motherhood taught you?
That there is no such thing as being a perfect mom. Sometimes you have to stop looking at what you are doing wrong and focus on what you are doing right.
17. Do you wish you would’ve waited?
Sometimes. I want to be able to give my child the world without neglecting myself or sacrificing myself in the end, but I think I am doing okay so far. I know he loves me and the effort I am putting in to give him a better life than my own. Other than that, I would have loved to be able to have a both parent involved with a ring before the next.
18. What advice can you give to other single mom on motherhood, raising your child and baby father blues?
The advice that I would give to another single mom is to never give up. I could give tell you a long story about the trials and tribulations that I have gone through ever since having my son, but it never equates to the joys of being a mother. No, I don’t have that relationship that I had hope for with my son’s father. No, I do not have always have financial stability. No, I don’t have my life completely figured out, but at the end of the day I am finding joy in the unknown.